


Love and its decisive pain

by LilithReisender



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley is bad with words, Day Seven Prompt: Eternity/Destiny/Ineffable, First Kiss, Ineffable Husbands Week 2019, M/M, The Bus Scene, ineffable husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 00:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20573504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilithReisender/pseuds/LilithReisender
Summary: Written for day seven of Ineffable Husbands Week 2019Prompt: Eternity/Destiny/IneffableCrowley had thought he was dreaming. That first night, the night the world hadn’t ended. Aziraphale, his never-make-an-unplanned-move, quiet, slow-paced angel, had sat down next to him on a bus that would not be going to Oxford.





	Love and its decisive pain

Let me tell you about dreams.

The falling, spinning, twisting nature of them. The shifting from one place to another, from one _person _to another. The joy and terror that could come from a single night asleep was something that the real world hardly ever emulated. In the moment, as long as you can remind yourself not to think, everything makes sense, no matter how odd or confusing it should be. Whatever happened was just how it is.

Crowley had always dreamt, had always _imagined_.

He had chosen to dream of an angel. Of curled blonde hair and ethereal blue eyes, of white tartan outfits and old books. Most people didn’t remember their dreams- Crowley could never forget his. Could never forget the way that Aziraphale kissed him softly and called him “dear.” There had been other dreams too, of bare skin and lips and hands and so much more that Crowley would _not _think about while sober.

Sometimes though- sometimes the dreams were too close to reality. Too close to how Aziraphale’s eyes would light up when Crowley offered him the last bit of his dessert; to the slight smirk and flushed cheeks that accompanied an evening of drinking. 

Crowley had thought he was dreaming. That first night, the night the world hadn’t ended. Aziraphale, his never-make-an-unplanned-move, quiet, slow-paced angel, had sat down next to him on a bus that would not be going to Oxford. Aziraphale had sat down next to him and taken his hand. Crowley hadn’t said anything, he had been tired and he didn’t want to say something that might ruin this. So, he stared straight ahead, tracing small circles on Aziraphale’s thumb as neither of them spoke, the silence heavy between them.

Let me tell you about time.

There is a story that was written in the eighteen-hundreds (Aziraphale would know the exact date, but Crowley only remembered hearing it). The story said that somewhere out there was a mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb and an hour to try and go around it. Every hundred years, a little bird flies up to the mountain and sharpens its beak on the tip. The story says that once the bird has chiseled the entire mountain away, the first second of eternity will have passed.

Crowley had been alive for an awfully long time. 

He had pecked at the mountain that was Aziraphale for millennia. A bite to eat here and there, a temptation every once in a while, every peck a whisper of words that he dare not say aloud lest the angel turn from him.

How could Crowley go slow when every atom in his body had been telling from the first day they met that they belonged together?

He would say something about pulling the angel vaguely towards him, how he had temped Aziraphale into sin with lunches and late nights at the bookshop. But the reality was that he was only tempting himself. Only testing his self-control. Trying not to brush off the drop of wine on Aziraphale’s lips with a kiss. 

Aziraphale was holding his hand and, while they had done that before, out of necessity and out of custom, it had never been like this. Not the _I need you here with me, please don’t go away again, I don’t think I could handle it if I lost you again_ that Crowley tried to convey with a squeeze to the angel’s hand. Aziraphale squeezed back, a soft sigh leaving his lips as he rested his head on Crowley’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

Let me tell you about eternity.

The vast, spiraling infiniteness of forever. Too grand and large for any being ethereal, occult, or otherwise to properly comprehend. What was the essence of eternity, the essence of time? What or who determined how long was forever?

Crowley couldn’t answer that. Those were questions that Aziraphale would go into at length and talk about for hours, and still not be able to provide a solid answer.

What Crowley could say was this: a small eternity passed as they sat together. As they rested, joined at the hand and hip and shoulder, letting themselves be still together for the first time in the little of eternity that Crowley had experienced. The bus pulled up in front of Crowley’s flat, and they stood up together, walking hand-in-hand into the cool night air of the city. The door of Crowley’s flat unlocked automatically as he stepped up to it, opening itself so they could walk inside. Crowley let go of Aziraphale’s hand, trying not to quiver at the slightly disappointed look in the angel’s eye.

“I’ll be back soon, just give me a minute to change, clean up.” Crowley had whispered. Aziraphale nodded, understanding in his eyes. Crowley had gone to his rather large bedroom and miracled the ash and soot dirt off of his body and changed his clothes. He could have miracle himself a new set, but he needed the feeling of removing them, of removing the burned remains of bookshop and Bentley and replacing them.

Crowley returned and found Aziraphale standing in the middle of his plant room, staring up at the vibrant green leaves (they straightened up as soon as they saw Crowley at the edge of the room). Aziraphale gently stroked a leaf, an expression of wonder on his face. And to Crowley, well, Aziraphale looked every bit like an angel from a renaissance painting. Striking and beautiful in the dim light. Crowley cleared his throat, letting Aziraphale know he was there.

“Hello again my dear.” Aziraphale smiled at him, and the wall that Crowley had been holding up between them for the past fifty years crumbled. He strode into the room, took the angel’s face in his hands, and kissed Aziraphale they way he had wanted to for millennia, surprised and delighted when the angel kissed him back with a matched passion. Aziraphale reached up and removed Crowley’s glasses, letting them fall to the floor as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. It was not the first time they had kissed either, but it was the first one where both of them were free to feel and express everything that had gone unsaid.

Let me tell you about ineffability.

A plan too divine, too _holy _to be properly understood. A cosmic queen on a multidimensional chess board.

But love was also ineffable. A demon falling in love with an angel on the gate of Eden, an angel realizing he had fallen in love with a demon in the rubble of a church. Crowley apologizing, begging for Aziraphale to run away with him, and Aziraphale forgiving him, but refusing to leave. Crowley, heartbroken on the ground in the book shop and then racing towards his angel just to make sure that he was alive. Ineffable was a demon falling asleep with an angel in his arms, and waking up to find him still there, realizing that it wasn’t a dream. Ineffable was them tricking heaven and hell so they could stay alive, for themselves and for each other.

“To the world.” _To you, to you and me and us together._

After dinner they Crowley had taken them for a walk in Berkeley Square, and when he was absolutely certain nobody was watching, had kissed Aziraphale underneath the branches of an oak tree. Why not, he had six thousand years of longing behind him.

And eternity to make up for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Hozier's _Sunlight___  
This is very different from what I usually write stylistically, but it just sort of... happened. And I actually like it, it was something new and fun to try out for a one shot, but I think I'll stick to my normal stuff mostly from now on.  
Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed it! This week has been such a challenge but it has been so fun to participate in, and I have loved every day of it.


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